TOO TALL AND TOO THIN
When Rosie hit junior high she began to grow. She also began to take dance lessons, which she paid for herself. Almost all legs, there came a point when our family was going crazy with her constant stretching and leaping. It was sort of like having someone wave 2×4s in your face. We begged her to stop and she wouldn’t.
Rosie was having to learn how to blow-off negative feedback. Just like kids who get ridiculed and teased for being even the slightest bit overweight, our Pudgey began to be teased every single day for being too tall and too thin. At first she tried to ignore it, then she tried to fight back with sass, but came home many days heart-broken and sobbing. Whenever units on anorexia or bulimia were discussed in class, weird looks and whispers made her feel like the visual aid in the object lesson. I think there were even a few times when well meaning peers reported their ‘concerns’ over Rosie’s weight to their teachers. Oy.
The lowest point for me was when she came home from her sophomore year and announced that a friend was going to “help her’”with her “eating disorder.” Then Rosie explained that she and her friend had shared a nice long heart-to-heart talk, all about Rosie’s weight or lack there of. (Friend was darling but not nearly as thin as Rosie, and possibly wanted to be.) Friend had gently explained to Rosie that her current pattern of always eating as much as she wanted, of whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it, was in fact an eating disorder…and that’s why she was so thin. (Teen logic. Gotta love it.) Her suggestion was for Rosie to watch and worry about everything she put into her mouth so that she could achieve a weight that was more in line with the other girls their age.
I sat Rosie down right then and there, for what felt like the billionth time, and told her in no uncertain terms: LOOK! ROSEMARY, MY LOVE. YOOOOOU DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER! We both know that you eat really healthy food, and you eat junk food, allllll the time. Being tall and skinny is not a problem. Sometimes when kids are growing up and they can’t help feeling nervous and worried about themselves, all they can do to take their mind off of their own insecurities is to pick on someone else. And they typically pick on people that are different, in any way. Please listen to your mother. You do not have a problem with an eating disorder. There is nothing wrong with you or your body.
I’m not sure if my constant hounding, meant as defending, helped Rosie one bit during those very difficult years. She knew where I stood on this subject. I was her biggest fan and I was in her face. We argued about friends all the time. Not my best work.
Tags: joys of junior high, page five
July 1st, 2009 at 11:59 am
Hah! Man. I do NOT miss middle school. I’m not sure what my approach will be when we get there. My husband had such a terrible time in elementary with teasing (tall, skinny, nerdly) that his parents sent him to the other middle school in the district. He was unknown and therefore able to grow on his own and develop into his own self, and by the time both schools flowed into HS, the teasing was pretty much gone and he was confident in his nerdly ways. He’s now a terrific, confident, intelligent and handsome nerd of 30 years, working at a terrific software company. I love nerds, by the way.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Me too Erin. My daughter Sarah married one and he is awesome! Good for you to pick a winner.
Those teenage years can be so toxic. We’re on number five now and I’ve got my knees bent. Hopefully I’ll be better able to ride the bumps. Woooeee!