Apr 29, 2017

COOKIE MONSTER

Next Sunday is Hailey’s “not-farewell”. That just means she’ll be speaking in church and then leaving on June 10th for her 18 month LDS mission. Instead of hosting the friends and family open-house that typically follows the sacrament meeting,  Hailey opted for a simple punch and cookies affair, just outside on the church lawn. The Bishop was good enough to schedule a ward mingle and our family is pumping in lots of extra treats to accommodate our guests. We hope it will be a nice little opportunity for people to visit, enjoy a few treats, and say goodbye to Hailey before she’s off to Missouri. 

Planning ahead, I thought I was up for a bit o’ baking this afternoon. My idea was to get an early start on homemade cookies that could be frozen and all ready for next Sunday’s event. But I’m not a big cookie baker, and I don’t have any favorite recipes, so I had to glance through a few cookbooks, and select the recipe that didn’t require a special trip to the grocery store. Grandma’s Famous Oatmeal Cookies sounded both loveable and dependable, and that’s exactly where I wanted to start.

I followed the recipe but then added some coconut, to make them a bit fancier. When the timer went off, I gently transferred the first dozen to the cooling racks, and immediately thought something had gone wrong. They were lightly toasted but seemed way WAY too soft. I had blown it again. This is why I hate baking. It’s too exact for me. Too much science involved. I don’t do it enough to ever get very good at it and then I don’t understand all the chemistry that makes certain ingredients react in certain ways in certain recipes. BLAST!  Like I need this after 10 days of the death-cough!

I decided I should add flour. I lost count after about the fifth half cupful. But it looked like what I thought cookie dough should look like… They scooped very nicely onto the pan and I really felt like I was on the road to success.

While waiting for batch number two (yeeea, foreshadowing) to finish cooking, I tasted a cookie from batch number one.

cookie-monster-one

Weeeeird, how they had cooled, set up just fine, and even tasted great. Hmmm. Still, I figured the additional flour would probably make this next batch even better.

cookie-monster-two

NOT so. But I’ll tell ya, these little noogies would be awesome to throw at people. I’m not saying I ever did that sort of thing as a kid, but just holding them in my hand made me feel like a 15 year old again. Okay, so my next thought was that maybe they could be like Snicker Doodles if I rolled them in sugar…and it might kill the nasty flour taste.

cookie-monster-three

Well, know how an elephant’s skin looks when it’s caked with dry mud? Not sure if you can tell from this picture, but that’s exactly what batch #3 looked like. And they still tasted really bad. My next idea was to add applesauce! (I’m pretty sure this is when I clearly heard a tiny voice saying, “Liesa, you’re doing it again. You’ve ruined the cookies. It’s time to give up. Throw it out now. Adding more and more ingredients will not fix this. Back away from the kitchen.”) I’ve heard you can use applesauce in cookie recipes. And sour cream. Someone once told me that sour cream makes the best sugar cookies…and more vanilla…and more cinnamon. We can fix this.

cookie-monster-four

When the timer went off, I was in the other room so I yelled for Hailey to take the cookies out of the oven. Next thing I heard was, “Mom, why do the cookies look like little poops?” First thing I thought when I tasted one was, “food storage”. This is exactly the kind of thing that scares people: Bad flavor, bad texture, and bad color!

Honestly, I don’t care how much it costs, tomorrow morning I’m ordering eclairs with little coral rosebuds on top, lemon bars, and chocolate mint brownies from the bakery.

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15 Responses to “COOKIE MONSTER”

  1. Joyce Says:

    Oh Liesa, I’m sorry your cookie baking venture didn’t go very well.

    I actually prefer baking to cooking. Baking is much more of a science than cooking, I think. For success in baking, it’s important that the exact proportion of ingredients be used. Even then, sometime a recipe is a dud.:) I made some brownies once using butter powder and powdered egg that were so horrible, only our teenage son and his friends would touch them.

    Well…in my opinion, there is no shame in making your life easier. After all, the whole purpose of this “farewell” is for your Hailey. Spend the time you would have spent being miserable in the kitchen having fun with your daughter.:) In the end, I’m sure you’ll be glad you spent as much time as possible with your precious daughter. Eighteen months is a long time, especially for Mom.

    Hugs, Joyce

  2. Annalee Kelly Says:

    I can imagine this was very frustrating for you, but your baking posts make me laugh! (I just like your descriptions and determination, not that you are failing at somekthing:)

  3. Kristine Says:

    I am sorry to hear that yet another baking project has had such a sad outcome. You know that I love you and that I totally respect you and your opion, so please, next time you hear the little voice inside your head screaming STOP!!…, please listen. It is making me so sad to read your post. Now, it is funny that you should be talking about making cookies because I was getting on the computer today to send you a cookie recipe that is easy and foolproof, and lo and behold…okay, 1 box spice cake mix, 1 can (28 oz.) pumpkin (not the kind with added spices), 1 bag chocolate chips. There you have it. Mix everything together, drop by table spoon onto a baking sheet, bake at 350 for 12 to 14 minutes and you have 4 dozen cookies. I love how easy they are, that they come from my food storage and that my family love them. We just made a batch on sunday night. I do agree with Joyce thou, order something and enjoy this time with Hailey!! xoxo

  4. Liesa Says:

    Thanks for the hugs, Joyce. Such a bummer and I really do hate to cook. It’s only a means to an end for me. And yes I did order treats today and felt zero shame. Besides I’m already money ahead because of not doing the giant open-house. You’re right about the time spent with Hays. Today we took a little walk around Temple Square and enjoyed the endless display of flowers!!!

  5. Liesa Says:

    Determination or insanity? I could totally tell this time that I was loosing the battle but I just couldn’t stop trying to MAKE those cookies come together like I wanted. It’s like baking with Veruca. “I WANT AN OOMPA-LOOMPA NOW DADDY!” xo Annalee

  6. Liesa Says:

    Kris! This sounds crazy enough that it just might work for me. Thanks for all the sympathy. You know the kind of recipes I’m looking for and I love pumpkin choco-chip!!! Next time, for sure.

  7. mentalutopia/ElizabethJ Says:

    Hey, Kristine stole my pumpkin chip cookie recipe! The resulting cookies are seriously yummy.

    BTW, I was literally rolling on the floor in laughter as I envisioned your cookie escapades. Thanks for boosting my day. :)

  8. Kristine Says:

    I’m sorry Elizabeth, I didn’t mean to steal your thunder. I was going to send Liesa the recipe on sunday night but kept putting it off because it was the holiday, now I wish I had done it sooner (i should have listened to the little voice telling me to send it NOW). Anyway, the cookies are very yummy and oh so easy. My kids can’t keep thier hands out of the cookie jar!

  9. Liesa Says:

    I’m glad to know that the pictures were worth the effort. I kept thinking…no one will believe I’m really this nuts!

  10. Sam Says:

    I think my favorite part about all this is imagining you carefully setting out a few cookies after each attempt on a little fancy plate to take a picture of each batch of gross-ies.

  11. Liesa Says:

    Yea! And all the while muttering, with clenched teeth…this is not happening…this is NOT happening…THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!

  12. Laura Says:

    This sort of experience is exactly why I keep a few hens. They eat all my mistakes!

  13. Liesa Says:

    Right Laura, and then I’d be yelling ***CHICKEN*** all the time. The neighbors would talk…

  14. Carolyn Says:

    ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’

    Of course, I bury my mistakes. I wonder what an archeologist would say about them in 1,000 years?

    Or I could get fined by the EPA…maybe I need to get some chickens and pigs…

    heh.

  15. I Dare You To Eat It » Blog Archive » FIRE ROASTED TOMATO ARTICHOKE SOUP Says:

    […] Much safer than a plate of my cookies. […]

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