I Dare You To Eat It

There are certain times each week when the big agencies have open casting calls, and we showed up way early. Elite was our very first stop. We walked right in, gave the receptionist the contact name I had been given and she politely invited us sit down. A few seconds later a young man showed up, introduced himself, and Rosie showed her book. He politely asked if he could make a photo copy of some of the shots and show them to their bookers. Rosie and I sat  quietly on the sofa and wondered what in the heck was happening. With zero experience or perspective, we couldn’t judge if this was good stuff, bad stuff, or nothing at all. It seemed good, but who knew?

Next thing that happend was that a very nice woman walked by and said hello to Rosie. She politely chatted with us for 15 seconds and then disappeared around another office partition. Then our contact came back and asked if he could call us in a few hours. Then we left. We went to the other four main agencies in the city and had both fun, and not so fun, experiences. Somewhere in the middle, the guy from Elite called us back on my cell phone and asked if they could take a few test shots of Rosemary, tomorrow, with one of the photographers that they normally work with.

I don’t know how Rosie slept that night. I don’t know how I slept that night. By now we were both terrified for totally different reasons. I don’t want to say that I never thought this would happen. As moms, we always believe that our children can accomplish great things. I just wasn’t sure that this was a great thing.

There was a business trip I needed to make for a client, one daughter that wanted to check out the university I had graduated from in Manhattan, another daughter that could ride the bus from Boston University for a quick visit,  oh and then there was Rosie’s goal to land a modeling contract. It sounded like multi-tasking to me!

I still felt nervous and yet cautiously optimistic about this whole modeling deal. I worried what would happen if Rosie was successful in accomplishing her goal but I worried more about what would happen if I shut Rosie down in her efforts to accomplish her goal. Both my husband and I had prayed and prayed about these steps we were taking and what we felt every time was to just go a bit further. We didn’t have a clear picture of how things would turn out. We did, however, feel peaceful about walking this course with Rosie.

While staying at a dear friend’s house in Pelham, Mary Anne suggested that I phone a couple living in the city with full careers in the fashion industry. (For temple attending LDS church members, you’ve actually seen this couple.) Both worked as successful models/photographers living in the big city and raising their lovely, and I do mean lovely, family. I knew the wife only slightly because when we had lived in the Westchester Stake I served as the Young Women President in our ward while she served as the Young Women President in the Manhattan Stake. We went to camp together. Believe me, she looks A LOT better stepping out of a tent in the morning than I do.

Speaking with her patient husband that night, it was such comfort for a mother’s heart to hear his professional perspective on “the business” and the various modeling agencies in New York City. He suggested the top five we should definitely visit and even gave us the name of a contact, also a member of our faith, to ask for when we went to Elite.  (America’s Next Top Model) I still had my concerns but had to admit that it seemed the doors were opening as we continued to take careful steps forward.

Yeees, it really was filmed at our high school. Both of Rosemary’s grandmothers graduated from that high school. The majority of our extended family graduated from that high school. It’s what the Realtors call a “multi-generational neighborhood.” One of my sisters jokes that there are going to be birth defects if people from East High School keep marrying each other. (’nother story)

One fine summer day, Rosie announced that she was going down to the school to see if she couldn’t be an extra in the movie.

“OOOO-KAY!” (…good luck with that…doesn’t hurt to try…)

Later, that same afternoon, she came home and announced that she was an extra in the movie. (WHAT?)

Turns out they needed background people and extra dancers and Rosemary was selected to be one of the many. If you watch the movie, with someone from our family of course, we can tell you the exact few spots where you can pause your DVD player and see Rosie dancing her heart out, doing the jerk, on the steps of the East High School cafeteria while SharPei blasts out another angry solo. What a kick!

During the many days of shooting, the casting director casually approached Rosie and asked if she had ever considered modeling. She laughed, told him no, but nervously listened to his suggestions. At first I wasn’t thrilled with the idea but could see how it meant everything to Rosie. We followed through, on her nickle, and checked into a modeling agency here in Salt Lake City. After the obligatory/money making “classes” we paid for a shoot with a local photographer and bought the head shots and portfolio pieces. Up to this point I was mostly accommodating. When I saw the photographs I was pretty surprised. Rosie was really happy.  As her mom, I already knew that Rosie was darling, but I didn’t know she could do that.

When Rosie hit junior high she began to grow. She also began to take dance lessons, which she paid for herself. Almost all legs, there came a point when our family was going crazy with her constant stretching and leaping. It was sort of like having someone wave 2×4s in your face. We begged her to stop and she wouldn’t.

Rosie was having to learn how to blow-off negative feedback. Just like kids who get ridiculed and teased for being even the slightest bit overweight, our Pudgey began to be teased every single day for being too tall and too thin. At first she tried to ignore it, then she tried to fight back with sass, but came home many days heart-broken and sobbing. Whenever units on anorexia or bulimia were discussed in class, weird looks and whispers made her feel like the visual aid in the object lesson. I think there were even a few times when well meaning peers reported their ‘concerns’ over Rosie’s weight to their teachers. Oy.

The lowest point for me was when she came home from her sophomore year and announced that a friend was going to “help her’”with her “eating disorder.” Then Rosie explained that she and her friend had shared a nice long heart-to-heart talk, all about Rosie’s weight or lack there of. (Friend was darling but not nearly as thin as Rosie, and possibly wanted to be.) Friend had gently explained to Rosie that her current pattern of always eating as much as she wanted, of whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it, was in fact an eating disorder…and that’s why she was so thin.  (Teen logic. Gotta love it.) Her suggestion was for Rosie to watch and worry about everything she put into her mouth so that she could achieve a weight that was more in line with the other girls their age.

I sat Rosie down right then and there, for what felt like the billionth time, and told her in no uncertain terms: LOOK! ROSEMARY, MY LOVE. YOOOOOU DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER! We both know that you eat really healthy food, and you eat junk food, allllll the time. Being tall and skinny is not a problem. Sometimes when kids are growing up and they can’t help feeling nervous and worried about themselves, all they can do to take their mind off of their own insecurities is to pick on someone else. And they typically pick on people that are different, in any way. Please listen to your mother. You do not have a problem with an eating disorder. There is nothing wrong with you or your body.

I’m not sure if my constant hounding, meant as defending, helped Rosie one bit during those very difficult years. She knew where I stood on this subject. I was her biggest fan and I was in her face. We argued about friends all the time. Not my best work.

Rosie attended 7 elementary schools.

We moved many times when she was little and I don’t happen to believe that’s the worst thing for a child’s development. One of the moves between schools in New York was actually her choice. We had worked out a special variance so that she could continue at one school even after our family closed on a new house, in a new area. Our plan worked fine for a couple of weeks and then Rosie came to me and explained that she had prayed about this decision and felt like the better answer for her was to switch schools again, in the middle of the year. She said she felt peaceful about making another move and wanted to attend school with the children in our neighborhood.

On the day of the change, with all the details in place and necessary papers completed and signed, I drove her up to the front of school number five. Before I had the keys out of the ignition she was jumping out of the car. “Haaaang on” I told her. “I’m planning to walk you in at least.” But Rosie was already shutting the door and just said happily, “I got it.” And that was it. She walked in on her own steam and I sat there watching, from the parking lot.

Some time later, Rosie had a chunk of money she wanted to spend on “horse lessons” or maybe just a trail ride. She spent a couple of days calling all the stables she found from researching in the yellow pages. (Remember the yellow pages?) She had a sheet of paper where she took careful notes, recorded their various addresses and hours, and then details on price and time options. It turned out that the very best value was at a stable not far from our home in Eastchester.

On the assigned day, with reservation notes in her hot little fist, I drove Rosie to the stable, signed some papers and agreed to wait in the parking lot until her ride was completed. When she came back to the car I could tell she was trying to control her excitement and confidence as she told me all about the wonderful ride…and that she had gotten a job. Evidently, after visiting/quizzing the guide during her trail ride, Rosie mustered the courage to ask, “So, how old do you have to be to work here?” (10?) She had noticed that there were a few children that worked at the stable, helping out with the animals, leading tots on rides in the ring, and Rosie was determined to get a piece of that action.

After checking into the situation, I agreed to let Rosie work there  2 or 3 times a week for a couple of hours each day. This wasn’t my favorite idea but to her it was the best horse fix she ever had. There were some aspects that made me a little nervous but I also felt like it was important to support and encourage Rosie’s determination and courage. At one point she got to see the movie star horse from the film, Black Beauty. For a girl that loves horses, it was a very special experience. At another point, the crowd of not-so-stable-worker-kids seemed a bit too rough, so we made a joint decision and called it quits. During those few short months Rosie learned great things, accomplished something that was very important to her, and enjoyed an opportunity we couldn’t afford.

One night when Rosie was about 7, Mike and I were tucking the girls into bed and heard a tiny little mewing noise from behind a wall. We immediately looked at each other and then at Sarah but she had already frozen. All I could think was, ”Noooway, they wouldn’t get a pet without even asking!” We quickly scanned the room for clues and then pounced on a small access door in the corner. Sure enough, behind the door and in front of the plumbing pipes was a nifty little pad, all cozy and set up just right for the noisiest kitten.

Absolutely not was our answer. By now the other girls were in the room squealing, “What are you going to do? What are you going to do?” like we were homicidal maniacs. Then they informed us that it had all been Rosie’s idea. We informed them that the cat was going back. You should have seen the look on the neighbor’s face when she answered the door and I said “Hi! Here’s your kitten. Bye now!”

Turns out Rosemary, the youngest, had decided that the girls could easily hide a cat from mom and dad. Then she talked the crew into contributing their hard-earned, not-from-allowance savings in order to purchase numerous kitty supplies at Shopko. I have no idea where I was during all this time. At some point, they walked to the store on a very busy street, bought the goods and then convinced the neighbor kids that it was for sure okay, of course with their mom and dad, to adopt one of the kittens.

In the end no one cried, but they were bummed about the money lost. 

“Yeeea, that’s too bad. You’ll have to be more careful with what you invest in.” And then we sent everyone back to bed. I’m sure they’re going to need therapy at some point.

Pudgey came to us with a ton of courage and determination. From the start, she had pluck. Or as my dad would say, “she had a lot of moxi.” (?)

When she was in kindergarten she told me that a certain Friday was Bring Your Little Sister or Brother…or Small Cousin To School Day. Both my sister and I stood on our heads that week, rescheduling work appointments, in order to make sure that I was at the elementary school, on time, with the 2 year old niece, all curled and combed for BYLSBSCTSD. When I walked into the classroom, the teacher had this strange look on her face that read, “I’m confused, something’s wrong, and you’ve always seemed a little odd.”

Turns out it was Pet Day. Rosie didn’t want to be left out just because we happened to be between dogs (now there’s a story) so…she decided that a small cousin was basically the same as a pet. When I asked her about it, through my clenched smile , she said, “It’s Pet Day oooor BYLSBSCTSD!” I turned a hot face to the teacher to check that bit of info. and Mrs. Lowe slowly nodded a helpless, and slightly scared, yes/okay.

Rosie thought her plan was GREAT and wanted to get on with it. She proudly took Carrie by the hand and paraded her up and down the aisle of desks, just like she was leading a Labrador. All the children took their turn to examine and comment on Carrie as she toddled by. Some mentioned that they too had a tiny person. I was really glad that there were only a few other parents in the room. (Exactly what I get for not reading all those notes they send home.)

That was the year Mrs. Lowe was retireing and I’m so happy our family was able to make sure she ended a lengthy teaching career, having truly seen everything.

People often ask me “how in the world” was I was ever able to allow one of our sweet daughters to do professional modeling, all over the world. I’ve hesitated opening this box here, but only because it’s a pretty big box. Bottom line is I’m happy and grateful for the opportunities Rosie enjoyed while working in the fashion industry. Sometimes we joked that it was just an unusual travel scholarship and she got to learn how to walk really well in high heels. Of course it was lots more. If you can stand the layers of background information, probably spread over a number of days, I’ll give it a go. Hopefully there would be something of value for you in our experience.

When Rosemarywas born, twenty years ago today! her three sisters, ages 4, 2 1/2, and 2 1/2, thought she had a pudgy little tummy (like all newborns) and the name simply stuck. In our family Pudgey means 1. we think we’re super funny 2. we think you’re super cute and skinny and 3. we love you. When she consistently tested in the 95th percentile for her height and weight I asked a very wise pediatrician if I should be worried about her health. “Only if it will make YOU feel better” was his response. I made a choice that day and I’ve never forgotten it. He explained that Rosie was just going to be a very thin girl and forcing her to drink ice cream shakes and protein drinks would only make both of us crazy.

Happy Birthday Pudge! I love you. Mom

A couple of years ago Lizzie had what we termed the Bummer Summer. On the very last day of school she became terribly ill with mononucleosis. After almost eight weeks of missed parties, sleeping while her friends went swimming, and an early bedtime every single night, she was finally well enough to…have her tonsils out. NOT so fun.

This year Lizzie has hit the summer vacation with a vengeance and her goal is to earn money. She began her quest packing a little debt so the first order of business was to lighten her load. Right before the school year ended, one of her best friends had box seats for a Taylor Swift concert. The cost of her ticket was $50.00. Then she made the mistake (in the moment) of buying a stupid t-shirt for $25.00. I get what happened and I appreciate the kind mom that spotted her the cash because it meant everything to Lizzie at the time, but we had a sweet moment the next day when I explained how many hours she would have to work to pay back the money spent on a shirt she would wear once.

I only know one way to teach children about financial responsibility and a strong work ethic. It simply boils down to not giving them everything they want. Children will work if they need to in order to get the things that they want. We’ve tried to teach responsibility by giving responsibility. Our daughters have never been paid a dime of allowance and they’ve learned to be pretty careful with their money. Less than one week after school was out for the summer, Lizzie came to me and demanded that we sit down and work out her budget so that she could get her debts paid off and then get earning the other things she wants. She’s twelve.

I told her to start with the number owed on her cell phone bill and we added it to the recent concert expenses. (P.S. The only reason she has a cell phone is that we gave up our land line, but we still let her pay half of the monthly cost on the absolute very lowest, no frills, no long distance, no voice mail, and no texting plan that we could find.) Next Lizzie made a number of phone calls to women in our neighborhood and asked if they needed any babysitting help. She had five jobs scheduled within the first 15 minutes and at $7.00 per hour–her tithing and debts were easily paid off in one week.

I’m happy for Lizzie and thinking every day that this is an AWESOME summer camp! She’s up early and out of the house, fully engaged, focused on a goal, learning all sorts of new things, and comes home knowing that she’s capable and really accomplishing something.